Josh Patten

mikescollins: Um if anyone sees Winston Noel can you please...

Mon, 13 May 2013 19:38:28 -0400

Um if anyone sees Winston Noel can you please have him text me back so we can lock May 31 in as the day we drink every variety of wine the band Train makes?

This is a real thing that will be happening. How do we make this a big party without putting in any effort other than ordering Train wine? Looking at you, UCB East.

Annual post.

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:00:10 -0400

Annual post.

How I want to be written off of this Earth.

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 16:55:14 -0400

How I want to be written off of this Earth.

patbaer: washingtonpoststyle: jerismithready: I just fell in...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 12:10:52 -0400

patbaer:

washingtonpoststyle:

jerismithready:

I just fell in love with New Zealand.

After passing a marriage equality bill, the Parliament spontaneously broke into the Maori love song “Pokarekare ana.”

Lawmaking is usually messy at its best and downright grisly at its worst. When it’s beautiful, like this, it should be celebrated.

(Hat tip to @robertflorence, Scottish comedian extraordinaire, for linking the video on Twitter.)

U.S. Congressmen: Please incorporate more singing into the running of the U.S. Government.

The guy who started it, and the couple of people who joined in immediately. And when everyone else quickly joined in. Because when you do the right thing, it just feels better.

This is lovely.

who did Britney spears cheat on Justin Timberlake with?

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 17:09:55 -0400

Thanks for this question, Anonymous. I want to say Jason Alexander but not the Jason Alexander from Seinfeld, the one Britney dated/maybe married for a bit. I think a really great, fun answer would be Emilio Estevez.

In keeping with the time period this question covers, I did not use Google for the above answer.

Episode 4: Josh Patten!

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 12:02:22 -0400

theneedtofail:

This episode features a great interview by Josh Patten (SNL Weekend Update, UCB’s Grandma’s Ashes)!

Check it out: http://theneedtofail.libsyn.com/webpage

Please rate and review it on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-need-to-fail-podcast/id604486915?mt=2

Thanks to Josh Patten and sound guru James Leggero! Spread the word!

My voice!

Below are the full lyrics to “Sea Cruise” by Frankie...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 18:25:00 -0400

Below are the full lyrics to “Sea Cruise” by Frankie Ford:

WHOOEE. WHOOEE BABY, WHOOEE

(Dock sounds)

WHOOEE. WHOOEE BABY, WHOOEE

(Chorus x’s 2)

WHOOEE. WHOOEE BABY, WHOOEE

sexpigeon: You know how it is. You move to the city, you make...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:23:13 -0400

sexpigeon:

You know how it is. You move to the city, you make some connections, suddenly things are moving so fast. You’re working all the time, partying all the time, and you just sort of forget what it is that brought you here in the first place: vengeance against the strongman who laid waste to the desert outpost you called home.

winstonnoel: hearmeoutpodcast: Episode Four of the show is...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 12:08:30 -0500

winstonnoel:

hearmeoutpodcast:

Episode Four of the show is here. There was a good man named Paul Revere.

This week we sit down with the brilliant UCB performer/teacher Will Hines (Stepfathers, Very Mary Kate) to talk about what happens when stupidity runs amok, genius goes unchecked, and girls stop by for the summer. For the summer. It’s an episode full of ridiculousness and synthesized baritone saxophone. Enjoy!

Winston’s Pick: LFO - Summer Girls
Alden’s Pick: Paul McCartney - Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey
Will’s Pick: Ace of Base - All That She Wants

New episode up! Will was so much fun to talk to. Take a sip then buzz like a hornet.

Womp womp womp womp womp (ace of base sax)

Apparently it’s Will Hines Reblog Week.

williebhines: joestanton: My friends make weird short...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 15:11:44 -0500

williebhines:

joestanton:

My friends make weird short films

This demented funny video is the weirdest thing i will ever do and in the same month as this i played a 40 year old who founded a boy band.

that this awesome journey of unbroken weirdness ends with a standard “sketch team logo” is the unintentionally best weird moment in an ocean of weird moments.

Gavin Speiller is a genius. Eddie Brawler and Alex Khurgin might be too but they are too weird for anyone to notice. Gavin’s genius you’d notice. Abbi Jacobson and Connor Ratliff are also great in this and Matt Hobby does a good job of standing there while images of Brad Pitt and I think maybe Ryan Goslin are superimposed on his head.

This is a commercial for Lids.

This is exactly the type of thing I love.

"A young girl plays by the river and was frightened by her father in the river pretending to be a..."

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 13:59:00 -0500

“A young girl plays by the river and was frightened by her father in the river pretending to be a fish demon. The young girl cries and the father tries to please her by doing water ballet. The father is killed by a real fish demon.”

- The beginning of the Wikipedia plot summary to Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons, this year’s highest-grossing film to date.

Please listen to this. Please give it a chance. Please give me...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 05:10:00 -0500

Please listen to this. Please give it a chance. Please give me some reggae.

nicolemarietherese: If I succeed in nothing else as the director of this Spank, I can rest in the...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 02:51:46 -0500

nicolemarietherese:

If I succeed in nothing else as the director of this Spank, I can rest in the accomplishment of having finished an efficient tech at 1:11am and having been home by 1:47am.

Alex Adan gets a lot of credit for this one too.

(Complete History of Women’s History by Molly Thomas and me, tomorrow at 6:30pm at UCB paired with Aaron & Brian Present Erik Dies, You’re Stupid and We Hate You. We got: Molly, Natasha, Langan, Moujan, Ellena, Matt and Max.)

Holy Molybdenum! (This was my phone autocorrecting from “Moly”). Let’s all go to the 6:30 and 7:00 Spanks tomorrow, Thursday, Feb. unsure of exactly what date is

Hear Me Out, Episode 1

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 13:23:35 -0500

Hear Me Out, Episode 1:

I had the honor of being Alden Ford and Winston Noel’s first guest on their podcast, wherein peeps defend guilty pleasure songs. I can be found in the above link defending Sting’s “Desert Rose” in a podcast in no way affiliated with Jaguar or Tantric sex.

Mardi Gras Grand Marshals, 1974-present

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 13:33:00 -0500

Mardi Gras Grand Marshals, 1974-present:

winstonnoel:

joshpatten:

Guys, let’s all talk about this list. For starters, imagine a conversation between 1989 Fred Savage and 1989 Hall and 1989 Oates.

1974: Doc Severinsen

1975: Dyan Cannon, Bobby Vinton

1976: Alice Cooper, Wolfman Jack, Jerry Vale

1977: Gino Vanelli, Penny Marshall, Cindy Williams, Vikki Carr

1978: Cheryl Ladd, Wayne Newton, Fats Domino

1979: Charo, KC and the Sunshine Band

1980: Engelbert Humperdinck

1981: Neil Sedaka, Suzanne Somers

1982: Captain & Tennille, Kool & the Gang

1983: Lou Rawls, Crystal Gayle, Kool & the Gang, Doc Severinsen

1984: Tom Jones, Kool & the Gang, Fats Domino, Doc Severinsen

1985: Wayne Newton, Fats Domino, Melissa Manchester

1986: Paul Anka

1987: Kirk Cameron, Jeremy Miller, Tracey Gold

1988: Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear, Roy Orbison, Smokey Robinson, Spuds MacKenzie, Miami Sound Machine

1989: Fred Savage, Hall & Oates

1990: John Goodman, Chicago, Four Tops

1991: Michael Bolton

1992: Kenny Rogers, Patrick Duffy

1993: Steven Seagal, The Beach Boys

1994: Stephen Stills, Jeanne Cooper, Corbin Bernsen, Frankie Valli

1995: Chuck Norris, Huey Lewis, KC and the Sunshine Band, Richard Karn

1996: Kool & the Gang, Jonathan Silverman, Donna Summer

1997: David Schwimmer

1998: Jerry Springer, Jack Wagner, Ian Ziering, KC and the Sunshine Band

1999: Emeril Lagasse

2000: Britney Spears

2001: Frankie Muniz

2002: Jason Alexander

2003: Aaron Carter

2004: LeAnn Rimes

2005: Marisa Tomei, Gene Simmons, Hootie & the Blowfish, The Pointer Sisters

2006: Dan Aykroyd, James Belushi, Better Than Ezra

2007: Taylor Hicks, Journey, Styx, Al Green

2008: Kevin Costner, The Go-Go’s, The Doobie Brothers

2009: Kid Rock, REO Speedwagon

2010: Tom Benson

2011: Anderson Cooper, Kelly Ripa, Mark Consuelos, Train

2012: Maroon 5, Big & Rich,

2013: Kelly Clarkson

Did they double book 1988? Also nothing says Mardi Gras like SCHWIMMER.

At least Schwimmer was in peak Friend-zone in 1997. Nothing could be sadder than the first Mardi Gras after 9/11, when Jason Alexander helmed the ship 4 years after Seinfeld went off the air.

Mardi Gras Grand Marshals, 1974-present

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 13:26:00 -0500

Mardi Gras Grand Marshals, 1974-present:

Guys, let’s all talk about this list. For starters, imagine a conversation between 1989 Fred Savage and 1989 Hall and 1989 Oates.

1974: Doc Severinsen
1975: Dyan Cannon, Bobby Vinton
1976: Alice Cooper, Wolfman Jack, Jerry Vale
1977: Gino Vanelli, Penny Marshall, Cindy Williams, Vikki Carr
1978: Cheryl Ladd, Wayne Newton, Fats Domino
1979: Charo, KC and the Sunshine Band
1980: Engelbert Humperdinck
1981: Neil Sedaka, Suzanne Somers
1982: Captain & Tennille, Kool & the Gang
1983: Lou Rawls, Crystal Gayle, Kool & the Gang, Doc Severinsen
1984: Tom Jones, Kool & the Gang, Fats Domino, Doc Severinsen
1985: Wayne Newton, Fats Domino, Melissa Manchester
1986: Paul Anka
1987: Kirk Cameron, Jeremy Miller, Tracey Gold
1988: Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear, Roy Orbison, Smokey Robinson, Spuds MacKenzie, Miami Sound Machine
1989: Fred Savage, Hall & Oates
1990: John Goodman, Chicago, Four Tops
1991: Michael Bolton
1992: Kenny Rogers, Patrick Duffy
1993: Steven Seagal, The Beach Boys
1994: Stephen Stills, Jeanne Cooper, Corbin Bernsen, Frankie Valli
1995: Chuck Norris, Huey Lewis, KC and the Sunshine Band, Richard Karn
1996: Kool & the Gang, Jonathan Silverman, Donna Summer
1997: David Schwimmer
1998: Jerry Springer, Jack Wagner, Ian Ziering, KC and the Sunshine Band
1999: Emeril Lagasse
2000: Britney Spears
2001: Frankie Muniz
2002: Jason Alexander
2003: Aaron Carter
2004: LeAnn Rimes
2005: Marisa Tomei, Gene Simmons, Hootie & the Blowfish, The Pointer Sisters
2006: Dan Aykroyd, James Belushi, Better Than Ezra
2007: Taylor Hicks, Journey, Styx, Al Green
2008: Kevin Costner, The Go-Go’s, The Doobie Brothers
2009: Kid Rock, REO Speedwagon
2010: Tom Benson
2011: Anderson Cooper, Kelly Ripa, Mark Consuelos, Train
2012: Maroon 5, Big & Rich,
2013: Kelly Clarkson

chamberlain: toyns: Sorry, Ticketmaster, I may have to miss...

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 16:42:36 -0500

chamberlain:

toyns:

Sorry, Ticketmaster, I may have to miss The Bodeans.

I miss the Bodeans daily.

This is the email sent to performers in The Bodeans whenever they have a gig.

the Anthony King: The UCBTNY "Controversy"

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 17:09:41 -0500

the Anthony King: The UCBTNY "Controversy":

chriskelly:

anthonyking:

Hey everybody! I’m having a slow day at my TV writing job that I got thanks largely to the training and experience and connections I got at the UCB Theatre in New York (AND ALSO MY OWN TALENT!! LET’S NOT FORGET HOW TALENTED I AM! I BUILT THIS!). So… as a former UCBTNY performer and…

A big ol’ yes to everything Anthony said here. The UCB Theatre changed my life and any amount of success I have had so far in the comedy world is due in large part to that theatre.

Bye bye.

What these guys said. Also, Gervais’ speech at the end of Extras.

wrestlingteam: On the second Tuesday of every month at UCB...

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 12:28:30 -0500

wrestlingteam:

On the second Tuesday of every month at UCB East, two fledgling comedians talk origins with professional creators, and hopefully answer their parents’ question, “What are you doing?” This is Beginnings: Live!

Holy mackerel! This may very well be our most fun live show yet! On January 8th, we were joined by Erika Forster and Annie Hart from one of our favorite bands Au Revoir Simone, one of our favorite performers Josh Patten (performer at UCB and a writer on SNL Weekend Update), and one of our favorite artists Molly Crabapple (the founder of Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School). We laughed, we loved, we heard about their earliest creative memories, and we even did a little demo work for a PR firm that paid us big buck$ to poll our audience!

Subscribe on iTunes and follow Andy and Mark on Twitter! See us live in February at UCB East! (probably!)

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My voice! My weird voice!

williebhines: Funny This is great. Lot of field goals in this...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 11:29:49 -0500

williebhines:

Funny

This is great. Lot of field goals in this game, too.